People all over the world cheat each and every day. There is probably someone reading this post right now that just finished a bedroom encounter with someone other than the person that they are in a relationship with. It's a common occurrence that has vast points of origin. From a male perspective, we commonly step outside of relationships for one simple reason: Sex. Everyone likes sex, but the common misconception is that men like it more than anyone else and therefore they will cheat immediately once sex is not frequently had within a relationship. I don't really know how true that statement is though, because there are plenty of other
I used to be in a relationship with a girl named Lisa. We were together for quite some time and had the seemingly perfect relationship. Honestly, things really were fine in the beginning, but they didn't stay that way for very long. As the relationship progressed we started to collide on a number of things within our relationship, one of the issues was sex. She became really overtaken with the idea of "I want to wait until marriage.." I have absolutely nothing against anyone out there who believes that abstinence is the best practice for them - I commend your efforts, because that lifestyle is truly difficult. It's especially hard when you've grown accustomed to a certain level of intimacy in your relationship and then that all changes.
For a while, I did well dealing with the change and I thought that I could make it work. Wrong. When you are consistently having sex with someone, you don't really pay much attention to any character flaws or negative personality traits - I am sure this is basic science. How else do you explain the millions of men and women who say that they can't stand their baby mothers/fathers? This phenomenon occurs simply because when you're being intimate, the other person's personality really doesn't matter all that much. For me, this caused a big issue because I was in a relationship where I was comfortable with the person but I was quickly realizing that I didn't particularly like them for who they actually were.
This should have been the very moment where I threw in the towel and saved Lisa the trouble of heartbreak. Instead, I started finding companionship with women outside of my relationship that I felt I had a little more chemistry with.
My indiscretions come to light, my relationship is destroyed, Lisa is devastated, and everyone learns that Derrell is a jerk. This, is the plight of men around the world who decide to cheat. 9 times out of 10 we get caught and end up in this same predicament. We all know this, so why do people continue to do it? For me, it was all about compatibility. I just enjoyed being in the company of women who I felt like I had a real connection with. The problem is that I was pretty much dating other people while I was still in a relationship. You would think I was smarter than that, and truthfully I am, but I was more selfish than I was smart.
I wanted the excitement of meeting new people and experimenting with what could happen, but I didn't want to leave the comfort of the relationship that I already knew. In the grand scheme of things, I was greedy and selfish and I should have just let Lisa go so that I could do whatever I wanted with no repercussions. Instead, when my house of cards eventually came tumbling down I blamed it on her, I blamed society, I blamed my friends - I blamed everyone except for myself.
I felt that I needed to cheat in order to obtain the feelings that I thought were lacking in my relationship. What I've learned is that no matter how the relationship is going, cheating will only add to the problem. No one wins in this situation. I like to equate it to feeding ducks in the park with 1 piece of bread. 1 duck is your relationship and all of the others are the many opportunities to step outside of your relationship. The more that you give to the other ducks, the less you have left to give to your main duck - and no one is actually satisfied. The same goes for relationships, when we step out on our significant others, we are giving away what belongs to them. Compliments, quality time, money, sex - these are all things that I was robbing my relationship of because I was giving it to other people.
My mentality is different now and that allows me to really understand what it takes to make a relationship work. There will always be a give and take, but the moment you turn to sources outside of your relationship to fulfill your needs you are headed for trouble. I can't tell anyone how to live their lives but I've been there and I have lived it [I've also been on both sides of the equation as well]. It's heartbreaking to cheat and heartbreaking to be cheated on, so if my story helps prevent someone from making a mistake that they will regret, then it was truly worth sharing.
The grass IS always greener on the other side. Once you realize this, you can either take care of your own lawn or move to a place with a different one. If you try to keep both yards, you'll just wind up growing weeds everywhere!
What do you think? Is cheating really that bad? Let me know in the comments below!